I did not intend my life’s story to contain certain chapters that life has been writing. My story serves as proof that God does not consult your past to determine your future. There are choices I made that led me astray, places I went to that I shouldn’t have, things I said and did that I shouldn’t have. I lived my life on a fast lane on a highway to nowhere but I allowed God to turn my mess into a message. Please allow me to clarify a few things and just start by saying that my battle for survival started when I was in the womb. My parents told me some things I didn’t know about but it made sense why my life has been the way it’s been. My life is literally not my own. Out of desperation and fear of losing me after she’d lost twins (a boy and a girl), “My mother gave me to God when she was 5 months pregnant with me when I threatened to come out – a threatened abortion.” In her own words she said “Lord, please help me give birth to this child and I will give her back to you.”
In 1982, 2yrs before I was born my mother received a mysterious call from a woman when she was pregnant with the twins telling her that she’d miscarry the pregnancy she was “boasting” about and indeed she had a miscarriage of twins at 6 months. Up until today it’s a mystery to my parents who the woman was. My parent’s tragic loss of the twins taught me that some people can be really wicked.
Real Talk: I’m saying the above so that you know that our lives are more spiritual than they are physical. Sure after you watched “Trauma” on Healing with Sophie and Gugu you have some questions, I’ll do my best to answer but a few.
1. It looks like you shut down on the violated child and continued with life. Did your parents not notice something different with you after the rape?
I knew what had happened was wrong and was foolish not to tell anyone. I believe because I was a child God wiped away the pain and helped me carry on with life knowing that one day He’d use it to help others. That’s why the Bible tells us to be like little children, they easily forgive and forget. Unfortunately because I never said anything my parents never noticed a thing.
2. With your choice of friends, it seems like you wanted to belong and never thought about your well-being, why was that?
For the first half of my life I had an identity crisis. I was an approval addict with a very low self-esteem. I always wanted to be accepted and to fit in. Now that I’m a grown woman I know who I am and WHOSE I am. I live freely with a very small circle of friends. I no longer live for the applause or approval of man. The very people that can “make you” can break you.
3. How did you stop drugs?
I learnt the hard way that life is about CHOICES. Every day we wake up we are presented with choices and
it’s up to us what we choose. I chose life. The power and ability to make that choice was in my mind. Our minds are very powerful and its either we employ it to work for us or it’ll drive our lives. Most importantly, daily I depended on God to carry me through. I had to ask myself hard questions about life, like if I continued with drugs where would I be 5 years down the line? I take drugs then what afterwards? all that was happening in my mind and I channeled it for my good. Church support also played a major role.
4. Are you sure you have healed from you traumatic experience with you ex friend? Why did you when relating what happened?
I loved her so much, still do and never thought “my best friend” would turn out to be who she turned out to be. When I go deeper into details about it, I get overwhelmed with emotions because there’s just so much to it. The main thing for me is thinking about how close I was to death and yet escaped. It’s a reminder of how real & big God is. It’s a reminder of His love for me and a part of me still struggles to believe that some people out there are caught up in the occult, whatever their reasons may be, my heart bleeds for them. So yes, God has healed me and the details of the events overwhelm me on certain days. 5. Was reconnecting to your ex a well thought out decision? Was it emotional? What void were you trying to fill by going back
to him besides wanting closure?
First things first, I loved him more than he loved me and that’s not the order. I didn’t choose to love him, it was not in my control. At the time I went searching for him it felt right. I fasted for 7 days for me to get a GO from God and in a dream on day 3 of the fast I saw the prison he was in and to me that was confirmation that I should find him and get closure. I don’t
regret my journey with him because it gave me my story. It helped me find myself in ways I never imagined. I didn’t know I was capable of loving someone outside my family until him and now when I meet a man who loves me I draw out love for him from that experience. 6. Did you find closure? Have you forgiven him? Have you forgiven your ex friend as well?
I made a mistake of wanting to find closure from my ex. I had to find closure on my own. If anything “round two” left me with more questions than I had before. I’ll forever be grateful to God for using him to help me grow up. He made his choice and that’s the closure I needed coz the choice wasn’t me. When a man loves a woman he’ll move mountains to show it and if he doesn’t, he’s either a coward or he’s just not into you. Painful as it was, his rejection of me provoked God’s acceptance of me coz look at me today! I’ve forgiven him. I’ve forgiven my ex friend. God used those experiences to bring me back to Him and His purpose for my life, even though it was meant for my destruction. I have nothing but love for them and wherever they are they know that. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison hoping it’ll kill the next person. The best revenge is love.
7. What are you currently doing with your life?
I’ve got a manufacturing and branding company (printing and embroidery). From my life’s experiences I founded an NPO that is aimed at empowering women through skills development to ensure they become positive contributors to our economy and not have to depend on men for survival while being abused. Our slogan is ENDLESS HOPE FOR THE HOPELESS. I also mentor youth struggling with drug addiction.
8. What advice do you have for women?
No matter how many blows life gives you…keep on moving. Even if you have to do it limping, get up and go after the life you always dreamt of. Know your worth…and love you – you owe it to yourself. Don’t let your life revolve around a person. Do not allow yourself to stay stuck in a season of pain.
Life is beautiful, just depends what lens you’re looking through.
Much love, Nkateko Tikva Magadzi