I did not intend my life’s story to contain certain chapters that life has been writing. My story  serves as proof that God does not consult your past to determine your future. There  are choices I made that led me astray, places I went to that I shouldn’t have, things I said  and did that I shouldn’t have. I lived my life on a fast lane on a highway to nowhere but I  allowed God to turn my mess into a message. Please allow me to clarify a few things and  just start by saying that my battle for survival started when I was in the womb.  My parents told me some things I didn’t know about but it made sense why my life has been  the way it’s been. My life is literally not my own. Out of desperation and fear of losing me  after she’d lost twins (a boy and a girl), “My mother gave me to God when she was 5  months pregnant with me when I threatened to come out – a threatened abortion.” In her  own words she said “Lord, please help me give birth to this child and I will give her  back to you.” 

In 1982, 2yrs before I was born my mother received a mysterious call from a woman when  she was pregnant with the twins telling her that she’d miscarry the pregnancy she was  “boasting” about and indeed she had a miscarriage of twins at 6 months. Up until today it’s  a mystery to my parents who the woman was. My parent’s tragic loss of the twins taught me  that some people can be really wicked.  

Real Talk: I’m saying the above so that you know that our lives are more spiritual than they  are physical. Sure after you watched “Trauma” on Healing with Sophie and Gugu you  have some questions, I’ll do my best to answer but a few.  

1. It looks like you shut down on the violated child and continued with life. Did your  parents not notice something different with you after the rape?  

I knew what had happened was wrong and was foolish not to tell anyone. I believe because  I was a child God wiped away the pain and helped me carry on with life knowing that one  day He’d use it to help others. That’s why the Bible tells us to be like little children, they  easily forgive and forget. Unfortunately because I never said anything my parents never  noticed a thing.  

2. With your choice of friends, it seems like you wanted to belong and never thought  about your well-being, why was that?  

For the first half of my life I had an identity crisis. I was an approval addict with a very low self-esteem. I always wanted to be accepted and to fit in. Now that I’m a grown woman I  know who I am and WHOSE I am. I live freely with a very small circle of friends. I no longer  live for the applause or approval of man. The very people that can “make you” can break  you.  

3. How did you stop drugs? 

I learnt the hard way that life is about CHOICES. Every day we wake up we are presented  with choices and 

it’s up to us what we choose. I chose life. The power and ability to make that choice was in  my mind. Our minds are very powerful and its either we employ it to work for us or it’ll drive  our lives. Most importantly, daily I depended on God to carry me through. I had to ask  myself hard questions about life, like if I continued with drugs where would I be 5 years  down the line? I take drugs then what afterwards? all that was happening in my mind and I  channeled it for my good. Church support also played a major role.  

4. Are you sure you have healed from you traumatic experience with you ex friend?  Why did you when relating what happened?  

I loved her so much, still do and never thought “my best friend” would turn out to be who  she turned out to be. When I go deeper into details about it, I get overwhelmed with  emotions because there’s just so much to it. The main thing for me is thinking about how  close I was to death and yet escaped. It’s a reminder of how real & big God is. It’s a  reminder of His love for me and a part of me still struggles to believe that some people out  there are caught up in the occult, whatever their reasons may be, my heart bleeds for them.  So yes, God has healed me and the details of the events overwhelm me on certain days.  5. Was reconnecting to your ex a well thought out decision? Was it emotional? What  void were you trying to fill by going back  

to him besides wanting closure?  

First things first, I loved him more than he loved me and that’s not the order. I didn’t choose  to love him, it was not in my control. At the time I went searching for him it felt right. I fasted  for 7 days for me to get a GO from God and in a dream on day 3 of the fast I saw the prison  he was in and to me that was confirmation that I should find him and get closure. I don’t  

regret my journey with him because it gave me my story. It helped me find myself in ways I  never imagined. I didn’t know I was capable of loving someone outside my family until him  and now when I meet a man who loves me I draw out love for him from that experience.  6. Did you find closure? Have you forgiven him? Have you forgiven your ex friend as  well?  

I made a mistake of wanting to find closure from my ex. I had to find closure on my own. If  anything “round two” left me with more questions than I had before. I’ll forever be grateful to  God for using him to help me grow up. He made his choice and that’s the closure I needed  coz the choice wasn’t me. When a man loves a woman he’ll move mountains to show it and  if he doesn’t, he’s either a coward or he’s just not into you. Painful as it was, his rejection of  me provoked God’s acceptance of me coz look at me today! I’ve forgiven him. I’ve forgiven  my ex friend. God used those experiences to bring me back to Him and His purpose for my  life, even though it was meant for my destruction. I have nothing but love for them and  wherever they are they know that. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison hoping it’ll kill  the next person. The best revenge is love.  

7. What are you currently doing with your life?  

I’ve got a manufacturing and branding company (printing and embroidery). From my life’s  experiences I founded an NPO that is aimed at empowering women through skills  development to ensure they become positive contributors to our economy and not have to  depend on men for survival while being abused. Our slogan is ENDLESS HOPE FOR THE  HOPELESS. I also mentor youth struggling with drug addiction.  

8. What advice do you have for women? 

No matter how many blows life gives you…keep on moving. Even if you have to do it  limping, get up and go after the life you always dreamt of. Know your worth…and  love you – you owe it to yourself. Don’t let your life revolve around a person. Do not  allow yourself to stay stuck in a season of pain.  

Life is beautiful, just depends what lens you’re looking through.  

Much love, Nkateko Tikva Magadzi 

By FYLTeam

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